hohumbug

"If you let go of love just to know if it's what you want , you will never really get it's true worth."

Hmmm. So don't believe that. Whatever happenned to soft, gentle understanding love? Since when did love become so vindictive? Besides I choose to do what I want. Yes, even if every step turns out to be my next biggest mistake.

So there!

StuckInReverse

So tempting. Listening to a song from a past life can act like a time machine. Every cell is transported back and planted in another dimension. All new things learnt since are erased. What's strange is the juxtoposition of the older - maturer version of you, with the feelings of the younger - confused you. And it hits you that despite everything, you just never learnt your lesson because you would do it exactly the same way all over again.
How can you really miss someone when you aren't who you were then, and they never were who you thought they were?

Timing

So important...right person, wrong time...wrong person, right time...it just has to be right down to a science.(click)
Mrs BL-Snr asked me once who the one who got away was. I was stumped because I had no clue. Every story had a logical conclusion or enough of a reason to end. But there is always that one, right? And then I saw something today that made me stop for just a single moment and look. Not just see. One of those, "when you least expect it" moments?
Probably absolutely wrong , but if it's in my head, it's not open to judgement.(snicker)
Amazing how it's not about what has happened, what can happen, or even what is happening. Sometimes, just knowing what could have happened is enough to make you smile.
Yes, one of those days when you don't have to find an excuse to be happy. Happy just finds you. (teeheehee)

Venom. Spewed.

You absolutely repulse me.
I had always hoped that someday we would meet under civil circumstances and I would apologize to you for all that we had put you through. I can not believe that you manipulated a person as gentle as him and allowed him to feel guilty for simply falling in love. From what I have heard you are the socially inept one, prone to aggression for no apparent reason. You are so lucky that I have left the country and chances of us ever meeting again are slim to none. He defended you to the point of everything falling apart. It makes my blood boil to think that I actually felt any sympathy towards you. He is as dear to me as my family if not more. I pity your pathetic existence and the fact that you never appreciated a gem when you had it, you lying, two timing, gold digging parasite. If he didn't cheat on you during your big days (oh and there were some really really bad ones ms.350 pounder) then you had no right betraying his trust like this or not fessing up when you should have.
For future reference, when someone dumps you for being yourself, don't try to cling, it's highly unattractive and quite pitiful. And if you have cheated on them with 6 other guys during the course of a "committed" relationship and they leave you because they have fallen in love with someone else during your "break" then DON'T cry and make them feel guilty for a year.
I don't wish anything bad upon you, but I am gloating over the fact that I always knew you were quite a witch. I am just angry that he had to find out like this. You have really lost him for once and for all so allow me to indulge.
You did this to yourself, so great job, skank.

The Simple Truth

Isn't it scary when the truth you have believed all this time just disintegrates? You are suddenly transported back in time and find yourself mentally replaying every moment and every emotion and wondering how you would have reacted if you actually new the REAL truth all along. Torture. I feel like your truth just stole three years of my life. Damnit. Nothing can be undone because I am not who I was then. The choices.
I hate lies. With a passion. Even teeny tiny "you didn't think it was a big deal" ones. If it's a lie, then it's big, bad and black. Makes me wonder how many lies go undetected around me in a day and if I knew the truth, what would be different.

Where is Happy when you need him?

Really, where?
Woke up with "that" feeling today.
2 options: crawl back in or jump up and greet the world with a smashing attitude and open smile. I think I will pick the crawl.
This is a total rant. Tired of it all. Tired of undying loyalties and "friendships" that go haywire because of useless chemistry. Why not for once actually be adult about adult things? If you make a choice to let something impact you then atleast be responsible with your reaction. How easy is it to avoid it all and pretend that nothing was ever there for things to have gone amiss. How juvenille to play cat and mouse online and in life. The truth is that there was very much a friendship there even if it was new, and that there is a void now. I refuse to believe I am imagining the void. Whats irritating is that there is no choice. The sentence has been delivered with no room for appeals. Fair enough. Have it this way. I still don't think you care, and I doubt I ever will.
Hmmmph.

What it Means

"He grabs her by the shoulders and pushs her repeatedly against a wall. Twists her around and traps her throat in the nook of his elbow. Screams. Silence. Screams. Silence. Black out."

The drama never ends but I had to document this. Life always makes for such interesting writing material for the future. In the middle of the happy chaos of new beginnings the darkness exists. So easy for me to pretend and ignore it all. You, yes you. Thank you for being proud of me. Means the world. You are still the one who gets it all and still just doesn't get me. Irony, huh?