Why now?

Look up, I look up at night,

Planets are moving at the speed of light. Climb up, up in the trees,
every chance that you get, is a chance you seize.

How long am I gonna stand,with my head stuck under the sand?

I'll start before I can stop, before I see things the right way up.

All that noise, and all that sound. All those places I got found.

And birds go flying at the speed of sound, to show
you how it all began.

Birds came flying from the underground, if you could see it then you'd
understand?

-coldplay 2005. (The beginning or the end)

Another ughh in all things demonic. What is it about leaving that is so similar to dying? If I had just a day left, what would I do with it? It's exactly what I have left yet I decided to give it to me. To revel in things that are only me, mine, my secrets, my darkness, my joy, my gloating. So me. For such a little while.

Everyonce in a while, someone walks into your life that makes you not only break, but doubt all your own rules. I was her. Will I continue to be her? Time.

Just like that.

It's back. It still hurts and I could swear it hurts more than the last time or the time before that. It just feels prohibitively painful, like someone is taking an ice pick and consistently jabbing it in your side. The left side. I think. I know you never meant for it to hurt like this but really I am not making this up. I wish I were being dramatic. I finally get what it means to suffer pain in a lost limb. Sympathy pain? It's not there, so it can't really hurt, but it does. Neither are you. Yet I do.
Yuck. Terrible terrible silent screams. If I hold my breath maybe it will all go away.
Let go. Still.
I wish you were here. I wish I were angry.

The Game

"If you decide you must play, decide upon 3 things at the start: The rules of the game, the stakes and the quitting time."

Your Punishment. My Temptation.

She laughs. He chuckles. Like strangers they will meet again.
You are the fuel stop on the highway of my life . hahhahaha
He comes back. Again.
Two lives, separated all century. Entwine for a reason.
Distraction?
Prolonging the torture. Extending the longing.
Till we touch again
He licks his lips, miles away, and hopes to taste her on his mouth.
Deception. Betrayal.
He thinks. Reality. She knows.
My tormentor. I worship you. Had we met before.
The rational is unclear. Pinot has that effect.
If only it were the grapes.
They carry on. With life. Each unaware.
the anguish of the other. Games.
I never lied to you. I wonder why now.
She will never hurt him. She knows why now.
29.02.92. The day that doesn’t exist.
Life changed.
I can only listen to you feel.
The distance multiplies the depth.
Not to hold you. Just to feel you.
Never to cry. Wonder. Wish.
He will move on. He will not long.
She will take a part.
The unknown. Forward.
Never look back. The truth is found
in unplanned games.
I never planned you.
Yet you were played. You never played me.
She became yours.
Arrogance will always be your color on me.
She looks away. The sun is blinding.
The fun, in this life, is over.
The planned days begin.
Relentless relief consumes.
They all wonder why.